2002-03-30 - 5:01 p.m.
My half brother (father's side) and his family are here in the US. I think they're staying in California for good. All I know for sure is that right now, they're visiting NJ, and staying in my room at my parent's house. No biggie.
I've only heard from my mother TWICE since we last saw each other. First of which was when I emailed them ever so humbly to express my concerns about my needs not being met, and to remind them that I need them still. In response to that, I got an email of rebuttals from her that weren't particularly connected to the issue that I brought up. The email didn't resolve anything, my school needs were still unanswered. The email just hurt me a lot. After that, I didn't hear from them for about a month. The second time I heard from her was when she emailed me a couple of days ago to ask about why she was being overcharged on her cellphone bill.
My mother called me this afternoon. Weird, because she's behaving as if everything's ok-deeh-dooh-dah. It was as though her daughter, I, were very well provided for. You wouldn't even think that I took out my savings just so I could pay for my own tution.
Part of our convo went like this:
HER: "Hi!! I was wondering if you and Pat could follow us here in the outlet stores in Jacksonville. I wanna take you out shopping."
ME: "Pat's really busy with his project, I have no ride."
HER:"Oh, ok do you need anything? What size in pants are you, 4, isn't it?"
ME: "I don't really need anything FROM THERE. No, I don't want pants."
At the back of my head, I wanted to yell, YOU CAN'T MAKE EVERYTHING SEEM FINE BY JUST TAKING ME OUT TO SHOP! I don't need to shop, I told you what I need. I need my tuition, money for books, my allowance, and MAYBE payment for the money you owe me. Gosh, you have money to shop, but not for my future?"
But I didn't have balls enough to say that.
And then she goes on, saying how my brother's here, and that I should make time for them. Oh, right. That's why they're shopping in the first place, becuase they have visitors. I'm beginning to think that the call was all for show. You know, we have visitors, hence we have to show that we're happy. I mean my parents never really call me to ask me how I'm doing. How come now all of a sudden, after 2 months of ignoring me and my needs, she wants to take me out shopping?
Maybe if I were shallow, or if I could be bought, maybe THEN the offer to shop would make everything ok between us. Too bad it's not as easy as that. My feelings have been hurt (Just imagine, you tell your parents you need them, and you get no response). Shopping just won't be enough to mend things.
