2002-04-23 - 4:44 p.m.
Do you guys ever get those times when you really want to write something, but the words just don't seem to flow? It's like you JUST CAN'T write! It's exactly the state I'm in right now. Damn is it annoying!
So I guess here goes rubbish...
I had a total of 20 hours of sleep the past two days, and that's just great. I feel much rested now. My brain is still a tad tired though. I'm thinking maybe it's because of the dreams I had. Boy, I had so many! And they're not exactly sweet. They're quite disturbing actually.
I particularly remember three of them.
These were from Sunday night.
1) A bunch of people were chasing me and trying to get me killed. We were in a mountainous area, and I just kept on running. Then I fell. When the bad guys caught up with me, they pointed a gun at my head and I just looked down, anticipating the shot.
I get these dreams quite often. I always seem to be running away, and there are goons after me. I always wake up with my heart beating really fast.
2) Pat's English ex-girlfriend came to the U.S. and we had a get together. We went to a restuarant and while eating, I saw him look at her so meaningfully. It looked like a scene from a Hugh Grant movie. And then after that he confides in me that he still thinks she is so unbelievably hot. Then I woke up.
This was really weird because I've never met or seen any of his exes. All four of them are English by the way. I'm his first ever Asian girlfriend. Oh and yes, he had four chicks before me.
Now this next one is from this morning.
3) I asked my parents for some money for food and they refused and said they were buying a digital camera, hence they can't give me any money. I yelled at them and told them how selfish they are and I wish I weren't their daughter.
Now this is by far the dream that's closest to reality. The only thing is, I don't think I'd ask them for money ever again.
Now I find it so striking how dreams could affect our waking hours.
Eversince I woke up this morning, I've been feeling this rage against my parents. It's like I have this urge to bring my dream to reality. I honestly couldn't get it out of my head. The feeling is so intense, as if it's literally coming from my heart.
Another instance, yesterday when I woke up from the ex-girlfriend dream, I couldn't help but think about Pat's ex. I just lay there contemplating what it could mean. And when I saw him at 9pm last night, I found myself feeling suspicious. Somehow I felt as though he had been disloyal even though I know that his ex is oceans away from here.
This is really unfair, you know. My mood seems to have been preset. It was affected by those dreams and I have no choice about it. Now I'm feeling like this and I'm behaving very oddly.
Am I still making sense? Err.. I told you it was gonna be rubbish. I guess You probably think I'm being very silly about all this huh?
It ok. A whole load of other people get silly all the time. I could be too, no?
