2002-04-06 - 11:44 p.m.
In a relationship, what exactly comprises the act of cheating? If you notice other good-looking people around you, is that cheating? How about say, if seeing those good-looking people leaves you a tingling feeling inside, is that now cheating? Is it a sin to look? When you're caught in the act of actual cheating, is it only then that you officially become a cheater?
Hmm, I don't really know. Now let's NOT get excited and jump to the conclusion that I'm being unfaithful to Pat, ok? I don't think I could ever do that to him, much less hurt him just like that. I love Pat. I guess that's the main reason why I'm asking these questions.
Here's the thing. Mr. Big from Sex & the City is my object of infatuation. Take note, I don't belong to the fan club of the actor, Chris Noth himself. I fancy THE character itself, which of course is also complemented by Noth's good looks. I think Mr. Big's panty-droppingly hot. Info on the side, my using the term 'panty-dropping' is by no means sexist or anything of the sort. It's kind of figurative for 'God!! He or she is so hot, my underwear is dropping on it's own.' Anyway, back to my Big issue, how I feel isn't really a big deal. Those feelings are harmless. He's only a character in an HBO series, after all.
However, at the hospital where I work at, there's this doctor, the dashing Dr. G., whose features and looks are uncannily alike to Chris Noth's. Not only that, he also behaves IDENTICAL to Mr. Big (the character). Other similarities are: They're both a picture of success. They both have this elusive aura, which is very mysterious yet so welcoming. Dr. G. smells soo good, that if I knew how Big smelled like, it would probably be the same. They dress alike too. Lastly, they both have this unattainable air to them, but the difference is, Dr. G. is just an arm's length away from me.
I saw him tonight and it weirded me out because for some reason, I felt really good about seeing him. Dr. G. has always been friendly to me, and the fact that he's a Rutgers alumna also gives us more to chat about when he's doing his rounds at our floor. He's single and he's probably the only eye-catching doctor you'll see in our hospital. I honestly have no intentions of giving him love potion # 9. And besides he's probably too old for me since he's already gone through and finished Med-School. Ehh... age doesn't really matter all that much. But that's beside the point.
I reiterate, I don't plan on replacing my wonderful Pat. Dr. G. is nothing more than eye candy for me. He is that and will remain so. It's just that the feeling I got from seeing him tonight is honestly hounding me. I'm thinking maybe it's just a transference of my infatuation for Mr. Big since they are similar in so many different ways. In that case, becuase of Dr. G.'s lovely existence, my supposedly harmless affection for a TV character has a possibility of becoming a little threatening. But wait, I'm still wondering here. What was that weird feeling about??
Through all this, I'm feeling very guilty for noticing another guy ('tho he's so man-ish), and having feelings similar to a... crush. Again, I ask. Is it a sin to look? I'm not cheating, right? Or am I?
